Goals for today

• Eat brunch
• Put away laundry
• Dishes
• Gym
• Eat supper
• Get external HDD to work better
• Watch work videos
• Rake leaves
• Organize work papers/folders

Brainstorming goals for this week

• Take AC units out of windows
• Vacuum house
• Clean bathroom (mostly toilet)
• Return dumbbell to Walmart
• Plan your days for the week
• Create/update “my ideal day/week” planning so that I can start working towards this and making more sense of my day
• Dump to-do lists to this blog
• Begin organizing to-do list

Other things I noticed that I’d like to work on

• Apply for new job
• Reply to HR lady
• Buy PC mouse (because my current one is broke and annoying)
• Buy PC monitor desk mount (to clean up my desk and have more space)
• Buy PC speakers (current ones are semi-broken)
• Organize garage
• Clean out vacuum
• Buy new vacuum (one that doesn’t require gross cleaning like this one, especially since this one is worthless in the winter)

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Thoughts on tasks completed

Eat brunch: Panda Express leftovers – pretty bomb lol. I wasn’t looking forward to eating any breakfast food, then I opened the refrigerator and saw that me from last night put there there for me ❤

Get external HDD to work better: I formatted the HDD, still a little weirded out by it and worry that there’s something wrong since it’ll sometimes crash explorer.exe when doing things with the HDD. I installed the WD software that came with it and ran it – only one thing ran correctly (the SMART Status in WD Drive Utilities), everything else fails (either failing to run or failing to update), probably because the software is old and needs updating. Becoming one of those endless tasks…. WD SmartWare seems to work (and was my original intention anyway), so for now I’ll settle with letting that back up my files (hoping that the drive doesn’t actually have problems and someday when I try to access the files I find they’re all worthless).

Distractions that came up

• Milky Way Idle: Totally addicted to this game right now. It’s bad when you tell yourself every day “ok, I need to take a break from this… but first I should finish this… but what’s the point if I take breaks?…”. Melvor Idle and this game are legitimately the only things I’ve ever experienced in my life (besides sex, lol) that I wake up and both immediately think about and want to do – so much so that I’ll push through the body/stomach/head pain of waking up and immediately get on my phone (which is insane, because I *hate* using my phone).
• YouTube: Essentially my cigarette/nicotine. At the first instance of any stress/anxiety, “maybe I should calm down with a video” is the first reaction. Well… it’s what ultimately becomes my actual action. My first reaction for the last couple/few years has been repeating “youtube reddit twitter brave… youtube reddit twitter brave…” in my head over and over; I don’t really know what this came from, especially don’t know how Brave browser of all things got stuck into that weird repeated set of words (the others totally make sense, they’re what I go to when stressed).
• Reddit: I easily spend less than 10 minutes per day on reddit at my worst (most days probably less than 5 minutes, honestly probably less than 2 minutes lol), but regardless of the actual time – it’s all greater than the zero I would like it to be. Toxic place that dishes out worthless knowledge. In college, reddit was a serious problem for me – I wouldn’t be surprised if I spent close to 4 hours a day on it (though I also thought I spent something like 9 hours a day on RuneScape, but later found out it was less than 3 hours per day, so it’s totally possible that the number was much lower). With that said, though, it is the thing that I immediately type into my browser – I often don’t even press “enter” to go to the website, it just sits in the address bar until I close the tab.
• Snapchat: I recently noticed that I find myself just randomly checking it, even if there aren’t any notifications, almost with the mindset of “maybe there’s something there but for some reason it’s not showing a notification”. The odd thing is that Snapchat, like all social media, scares me (though many multiples of magnitude less than other social media, thus why I actually use it and have yet to start using Facebook, Instagram, etc.). I still basically only use it to fire off and look at snapstreak snaps, plus maybe 5-10 minutes of random chats each day, but I just have this feeling that something unhealthy comes from Snapchat for me. I think that if I only posted Snapchat Stories it would be a healthier app, maybe, given that it would push me to use it for truly positive/social reasons.
• Twitter: Like reddit, not much of an issue these days, was a bigger issue in college. A little unlike reddit is that twitter feels a bit more cathartic – I’ll usually post there and get things off my chest, helping me frame things and move on. (The same would eventually happen on reddit, but usually it was a multi-hour, sometimes multi-day, and even at times multi-week project of making a post, the amount of time that went into it made it unhealthy in the end.)
• Biting my nails: I’ve gotten a lot better, these days only my pointer fingers are ever obviously mangled which is honestly awesome, and I rarely do it to the point of my fingers being in constant pain (like they used to be), but it’s still something that I spend an excessive amount of time just sitting there doing while I’m stressing out.

Things that annoyed me

So, my roommate is sick right now. Being sick sucks, I was sick a lot over the last year and I’m extremely surprised I’m not sick right now. However… they keep trying to get me to do things that are a little beyond what you should expect from another adult that has their own life to live and responsibilities to work on. A few days ago she wanted me to put together her cabinets or drawers she got delivered; she phrased it as “helping” her to do it, but I know from experience that “helping” means just having me do it, and even if it was actually helping her… I don’t fucking want to. I shouldn’t have to or feel obligated to do something that I would never put on someone else. It’s weird behavior for an adult and gives no respect to the value of someone else’s time.

Today, she asked me to go pick her up food. There’s nothing about her sickness preventing her from driving lmao; if anything, it would probably make her feel great to get out of the house and experience different scenery if even for a few minutes. It just… seems weird to ask a roommate to do that. Asking if they’d pick it up on their way home (if it was on the same route) is one thing (though still a little odd since you yourself are a full grown adult), but to just be like “will you leave the house (whether you intended to or not today), go to this place, and bring it back to the house before you can go back to living your life” is just something I could never fathom asking someone (except in the case of a relationship, but even that I’d probably never myself ask for that). If you absolutely need help, why not first ask a friend or something? But I honestly don’t think she even needs that kind of help, anyway.